From 2013 to today

Today I came across these photos from the first week of June 2013. I remember how happy I was to be in Haiti. I remember crying at the airport on the day of departure, not sure if I could force myself to leave, being one of the last to board the plane. I remember the sense of hope we all had that week, the belief we had that the days ahead would be good ones and that we could make a difference.

We had no idea that within a year, all that we thought we knew would change. That we would no longer be part of the organization where we thought we were rooted. That we would embark on a grand adventure. That God would call us into deep waters that often felt too dark and tumultuous to navigate.

During that precious week, we were not thinking about dark nights, unexpected betrayals, hard decisions, and sad goodbyes. No. We believed the possibilities were endless. And I personally thought love was enough. I was so naive.

I now know that life is not as simple as I once believed it to be. I now know that love often requires more than I feel I can give. I now know that sometimes silence is the only way to hold one’s dignity. I now know that no matter how hard a day might be, tomorrow will come. I now know to do my best with the knowledge I have at a given time and pray that grace covers the rest. I now know there are so many things I thought that I deserved that don’t even matter when laid on the altar.

And I now know - without any doubt in my mind - that I am rooted and grounded to a place that has completely broken my heart and yet perfectly healed my soul.

And so tonight I am listening to this song on repeat, grateful to the Father for allowing me to learn and grow beyond the girl I used to be.

“Dear Me
This is a letter to the girl I used to be
You’ll see, you’re gonna take the long way
And there is nothing you could do or say to separate you
From the love of God who made you just exactly as He meant to
And you cannot imagine all the places you’ll see Jesus
But you’ll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn’t supposed to go.”

— Nichole Nordeman

We both need prayer

He’s known his own measure of suffering in this life, but on that particular Sunday, he wanted to pray for me.

He came to me purposefully, intentionally, boldly. He asked me to sit, and he began to pray over me - a long prayer, a prayer from the heart, a prayer of intercession, a prayer I could actually feel.

So often I am compelled to pray without ceasing for my friends in Haiti, but during this trying season, I am so thankful to know they are praying for me, too.

I am reminded of James 5:16, “Be praying for one another, that ye may be healed; very strong is a working supplication of a righteous man.”

Haiti needs healing right now, and so do I.