Don’t blink
Handy has gone from being this little guy . . .
To being this medium-sized guy . . .
To being this guy who is practically a grown up.
Happy 15th Birthday, Handy Oge.
May you always know just how loved you are.
What does this mean for the future of Haiti Awake?
I have to admit. I felt this was coming. But now that the announcement has been officially made, it does feel so final, so real, so heavy.
As I sat in Haiti at our 10th anniversary celebration in October, I felt as if I was holding a holy moment in time, a moment I would look back on with great nostalgia and longing. Little did we know that October trip would be my last trip to Haiti for the foreseeable future.
When Pastor Steeve came to the US for the month of June, little did we know that would be his last trip to the United States for the foreseeable future.
But God knew. In His infinite knowledge, He knew. Nothing catches God by surprise.
“Standing here
Not knowing how we’ll get through this test
But holding onto faith, You know best
Nothing can catch You by surprise
You got this figured out and You’re watching us now”
What does the absence of commercial air travel mean for the future of Haiti Awake? Very simply, it means we will need to adapt - again. We are adept at adapting as that has been the only way to keep the ministry moving forward in the chaos of the last 6.5 years.
All these years we have been saying, “These are hard days in Haiti.” And we so long for a better day, a day we cannot yet see. Though I have known the following verse most of my life, it now carries a completely different meaning.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Please continue to pray for the communities we serve in Haiti. While my heart is grieving from afar, this chaos and dysfunction is daily life for those I have come to love as family. It is hard to explain the great suffering that is taking place in close proximity to both of our facilities and the incredibly difficult issues the Haiti Awake staff faces on a personal level day-by-day.
I cannot emphasize enough how much a Google Meet would mean to staff and children. If you would give 30 minutes, it would be so encouraging.
“But to a friend, time is an investment of the heart, not just the hand. Friends spend time.”
With all of my heart I desire to return to Haiti as soon as the possibility presents itself. I long to give hugs, to have face-to-face conversations, to share a meal, to laugh together. Perhaps that day will come sooner than we expect. But until that day, we will continue to remember to remember - just like we did as we sat together for our anniversary celebration less than two months ago.
“Remember the way He led us up to the top of the highest mountain
Remember the way He carried us through the deepest dark
Remember His promises for every step on the road ahead
Look where we’ve been and where we’re going
And remember to remember.”
Isn't It Lovely?
"May I please tell you about that piece of art?" I asked a lady who was browsing the Mission Made Jewelry table.
Before she could say anything, I continued. "My friend, Vladimir, made that. Isn't it lovely?"
The lady stopped and looked at me.
"Well, thank you. I was afraid you were about to tell me about poor people. I'm not interested in a pity story. Now I'm listening. Tell me more."
Do for the next 20 minutes, we talked about the beauty of Haitian products as she browsed the table, choosing 10 different items - including this one - as Christmas gifts for family and friends.
She took Vladimir's cards, one for each gift, because she wants her friends and family to know who made their gift.
"I'm glad I stopped by," she said as she walked away.
Ma'am, I'm glad, too. Thanks for letting you tell you about all of the good things to be found in Haiti. Thanks for focusing on that part of the narrative. 🇭🇹❤️
I choose responsibility
It is hard to believe that Steeve Derard wrote this five years ago and Haiti is no closer to resolution today than it was then. And yet, we have seen our Father do "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think" in these difficult years (Ephesians 3:20).
Though it once again feels as if the country is standing on the edge of the precipice, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" (Hebrews 6:19).
How thankful I am for these years of knowing and loving Haiti. Haiti Awake remains committed to our communities, and I personally remain committed to the people I've been walking with for all of these years.
In his book, Visions of Vocation, Steven Garber asks: "Why is it, in the face of situations that seem too complex, too broken, that human beings sometimes still choose to enter in - knowing that they will suffer, knowing that it will cost them - that for love’s sake they still choose responsibility?"
On days when it all feels like it's too much, when I don't believe I can bear to hear one more story, when I just want to go back to living a normal American life, oblivious to the great suffering just miles off our shores, this quote plays on repeat in my head:
"You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you did not know." William Wilberforce
Today I still choose responsibility.
October 20, 2024 - our last photo together. We had every belief that we would be together again on November 15.
But today we are heartbroken
I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Revelation 21:3-4
This is Kelly.
He used to be an inmate at CERMICOL. When he was released about 2 years ago, he started coming to church faithfully. The church came around him, loved him, helped him start a small business.
He was even part of the podcast with WORLD last year.
Then about 3 months ago, he didn't come to church. Weeks passed. No one could find him. No one heard from him.
Yesterday we received word that he was executed about 3 months ago. Why? Because of his past life. Because people were suspicious of him because of who he had been, not because of who he had become.
But by all accounts, he had left that old life behind. He was a new creation in Christ.
Kelly’s story was one of the “wins” we had seen in Haiti. We had shared so much joy being part of his journey.
But today we are heartbroken. 💔
It was a weekend to remember
We’re still standing, by God’s grace. Steeve and I talked about that last night. In a time when so many ministries in Haiti are having to scale back operations or cease to exist, Haiti Awake continues to move forward. We feel so blessed and so thankful.
The party on Saturday was a testament to the kindness of God in the midst of unspeakable difficulty, a time to forget all that’s taking place around the country and simply focus on celebration.
Vorb was an amazing MC. Hosting an event is truly a gift he has. I was amazed by the attention to detail the staff gave to planning. Everything from decorations to table attendants to entertainment to food was on point.
The days ahead are uncertain, but we will continue to trust in the faithfulness of God, believing He is writing a story far better than one could envision for ourselves.
Walking down memory lane
Remember the way He led you up to the top of the highest mountain
Remember the way He carried you through the deepest dark
Remember His promises for every step on the road ahead
Look where you've been and where you're going
And remember to remember
Steven Curtis Chapman
On Saturday we will celebrate Haiti Awake’s 10th birthday. 10 years. Glwa pou Bondye.
This morning I am looking through old photos, and once again I am reminded of the goodness of God through all of the hills and all of the valleys.
We had no idea where this journey would take us. The joy and the sorrow. But how thankful I am for it all.
The gift of knowing
I’ve spent the last few days in an area of the USA that’s very different from where I live, both in landscape and culture. And it has stretched me. Quite a bit. The people around me don’t see the world the way I do. I’m in the minority.
I have been reminded once again of the gift of Haiti, the gift of knowing more than my own backyard, the gift of meeting new friends who’ve helped me look at the world from different angles, recognizing that there is something to learn from each place you visit and each person you meet.
“True love flows out of mutuality, where we blur the lines between those who are serving and those who are receiving, and where we humbly acknowledge that we all have something to offer and something to receive from one another. ”
He Won’t Fail
I've still got joy in chaos
I've got peace that makes no sense
So, I won't be going under
I'm not held by my own strength
'Cause I've built my life on Jesus
He's never let me down
He's faithful in every season
So, why would He fail now?
Cody Carnes
I walked into morning worship a few minutes late because I had been talking with a friend downstairs. As I waited my turn to enter, the moment captured my heart as I heard believers who’ve walked through fire sing from their hearts. And despite the fears that still surround the country, the gate stood open - just as it does every week - a testament to their belief that Christ is the firm foundation.
A new friend
The LORD protects foreigners; He sustains the fatherless and the widow, but the ways of the wicked He frustrates.
Psalm 146:9
The tender mercies of our Father.
Boarding a flight from Dayton to Charlotte, the man in front of me was asked the standard exit row question about assisting in an emergency. He looked confused, and I knew. He doesn't speak English, and he's Haitian. So I jumped in to translate for both him and the gate agent. After boarding, I went to him and told him I was sorry for the way some people are talking about Haitians right now. I told him that I love Haitians. I told him Haitians are some of the best people I know. And he smiled. Broadly.
After we landed in CLT, I waited for him, inviting him to join me in the lounge for a bite to eat. There we talked, and he freely shared his story. And I felt honored that he was willing to tell me of his journey.
I just left him at his gate - C10 - and I walked on to mine - C17.
And right now my heart is praising the Lord for giving me a few minutes with a fellow traveler named Eliden.
Haitians have my heart.
Paris 2024
People everywhere are draped in their nation’s flags this week in Paris, but it brought me the greatest joy to see this family Saturday, wearing the Haitian flag.
Their little girl was beyond thrilled when I took out my own Haitian flag and we took some photos together.
Lakay se lakay.
Where do I start this story?
I think back to 2014 when Steeve first applied for his U.S. visa. “Everyone” told us he wouldn’t get it … for so many reasons. But, he applied. We prayed. We believed. And as Steeve said when he called me that morning in March, 2014 after this appointment, “We have victory.”
Steeve made his first trip to the United States on August 4, 2014. Since then, he’s traveled here a number of times. In fact, he’s traveled so often that when I recently asked him how many times he’s entered the U.S. he said, “I have no idea.”
The U.S. visa renewal in 2019 was easy, straightforward. But then everything changed in Haiti, and beginning in 2022, we started to wonder if it would even be possible for him to get his visa renewed again. The “usual way” of renewing wasn’t an option anymore.
His U.S. visa would expire in January 2025, so we began thinking ahead.
That’s one of the reasons we took that trip to Israel last year. We wanted to use Steeve’s U.S. visa while he still had it. In fact, we made a number of travel plans with “if you can’t leave Haiti again, at least we have . . .”
Then in October of 2023, I was in Washington, DC, with my daughter-in-law, Hannah, and her mom. One of the things we did was tour the Capitol through the office of Senator Thom Tillis. Sitting in Senator Tillis’ office, I overheard a staffer say something on a call that led me to ask, “Could I explain a situation to you and see if this is something the senator’s office could help us with?” And the response was yes. So I shared Steeve’s situation and how Haiti Awake, a NC-based 501(c)(3), benefits from his ability to travel to the United States.
After that, one e-mail led to another and then a call with the Deputy Director of Constituent Services in December. Steeve was visiting when she called, so we were both able to be on the call and hear her advice which came down to this: Find a US Embassy willing to see you in a country other than Haiti.
As it turns out, that’s easier said than done. There are a limited number of appointments worldwide, as well as a limited number of places Steeve might be able to travel with a Haitian passport. In the end, we had settled on either Kingston, Jamaica or Tel Aviv, Israel.
However, with the Port-au-Prince airport closed for nearly three months, we went from having sufficient time to work on getting the visa renewed to practically no time to do it because the current visa expires on January 7, 2025, and one of the stipulations to renewing a US visa in a country not your own is that the applicant must be seen at an Embassy more than 6 months before that expiration date. When Steeve arrived in the US on June 3, we realized we were racing against the clock because July 7 was the deadline.
Initially, we were unable to secure an appointment in Kingston, but Senator Tillis’ office helped us with that. On June 4, we scheduled an appointment at the US Embassy in Kingston, Jamaica for June 27, at 10:30 am, the earliest date that was available.
However, Jamaica required Steeve to have a Jamaican visa to enter, and we were running out of time to secure that, as well.
In fact, my husband, Rick, hired G3 Visas Global Services to take Steeve’s application for a visa to the Jamaican Embassy in Washington, DC, because we could not secure an appointment on our own for the visa to Jamaica in the needed timeframe. (All of this visa talk is confusing, isn’t it? We were trying to get Steeve’s US visa renewed, but he also needed a visa from the Jamaican government to enter Jamaica.)
After a great deal of back and forth, including multiple phone calls to PICA in Jamaica, Steeve’s visa to Jamaica was secured on June 21.
On June 25 Steeve and I left for Kingston, and the rest of the story is fairly uneventful.
We arrived as scheduled, spent June 26 exploring Jamaica, and though his appointment was scheduled for 10:30 on June 27, Steeve went to the Embassy early, about 8 a.m., expecting to wait in the long line that had already formed outside. However, roughly an hour later he was back at the apartment where we were staying with news of “success!”
We were happy to spend the rest of the day exploring on a rainy day in Kingston and having a celebratory meal.
Though we were told it might take a week or longer to have the actual visa in hand, at his appointment he was given a pickup date of July 1.
However, yesterday, June 28, Steeve received an email stating his US visa was ready for pickup.
This process is finished until the expiration date five years from now. We are so thankful for all of the people who helped along the way and all of you who were praying.
Special thanks to Lauren and Brian at G3Visas for their attention and patience in helping us secure the visa for Jamaica. It was a stressful process with a tight timeline, but they were with us every step of the way.
Special thanks to Miss James in the visa office in Kingston who helped us navigate last-minute specifics required by the Jamaican government.
Special thanks to my husband, Rick, who helped Steeve fill out the DS-160 to apply for the US visa renewal and took care of most of the details surrounding the trip to Jamaica (and listened to me stress-out about this for most of the month of June).
Special thanks to Ms. Osborne in Senator Tillis’ office who cheered us on and was one of our first calls after Steeve received a “yes” at the Embassy in Jamaica.
Special thanks to all of you who reached out day-by-day for updates, reminding us that you were praying and cheering us on.
And as you have heard us say so many times through the years for reasons too numerous to count, “Glwa pou Bondye.”
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20
When Will I Return to Haiti?
While I feel quite stuck here in Wilmington right now, not knowing when I'll return to Haiti, I am continuing to take advantage of the stillness of the morning.
Our capacity to do the work of ministry is very limited, but to do the work of God in our own strength is impossible. What God wants done in the world takes the resources He provides. Those resources are only found in Him. They cannot be accessed in books, and they can’t be taken home in a goody bag from the next conference. There is no substitute for time with God.
Keith Stewart
Time to reflect
I will reflect on all You have done and ponder Your mighty deeds.
Psalm 77:21
For the first time ever
I should be at the airport this morning. I had my ticket.
For weeks, I have been asked when I would return to Haiti, and here’s how I had answered:
When the PAP airport opens
When I feel peace from God
When Steeve says yes.
But it never occurred to me that I would be hearing yes and Steeve would be hearing no. We’ve always been in agreement on things.
After much prayer, I had purchased a ticket for today. It seemed to line up perfectly. American Airlines started flying yesterday. I had determined a while back I really didn’t want to be on the first flight back, but being on the 2nd flight seemed reasonable.
In fact, last week I had packed my first checked bag as it seemed more and more likely American Airlines would actually fly as scheduled, after canceling earlier re-start dates.
But then on Tuesday, in a staff meeting, I mentioned coming on Friday, and Vorb’s reaction was strong, so strong that I grabbed a pen and wrote down what he said:
“I don't like the atmosphere of the country. Because of the love I have for you, I want us to be cautious. The country is like a bomb. It may seem calm right now, but we don't know what is cooking.”
Later in the day, at the end of English class, Widecherline asked me, “When are you coming to Haiti?” and, before I could even respond, the two adults on the call jumped in to say that it was not a good idea to come, that they would not be in favor of that.
And then on Tuesday night, Steeve and I talked, and I was surprised to hear him say, “Don’t come right now.” He’s never said that before.
Earlier in the day I had asked a Haitian friend who is not a part of Hait Awake what he thought about my returning to Haiti this week, and this is what he said:
“Of course, it's a movie quote because it's me🤣.
‘You can break something in two seconds. But it can take forever to fix it. A lifetime, generations. That's why we have to be careful on this earth and gentle.’
The relationship I have seen you build in Haiti is so, so precious, Becky. That's why your decision has, to some extent, involve their thoughts and feelings on it; unfortunately, in some seasons, they get the last word on what is done.”
And it’s true. I’ve always said that I would listen to the advice of our local partners and do what they say in a situation like this. Now is my chance to live that out - even though it still doesn’t “feel right” to me.
Therefore, today I will continue to love across the miles via Google Meet and be thankful for the ways we do have to stay in touch, even when we can’t physically embrace.
But that doesn’t mean it’s easy because everything in me feels like I am supposed to be in Haiti today.
Thoughts as we start a new week
Lord, to be rooted in place takes commitment to land, to people, to friends and family, to transients in our community, and to the plight of our neighborhoods.
Being rooted is no easy task, but You demonstrated such rootedness in Your incarnation. Give us courage to take up the hard task of knowing You while standing in place. Amen.
From The Book of Common Prayer
Because of dignity
I was recently having a discussion with Vorb in which he said some profound things. Vorb is a deep thinker, and he often challenges my thinking on issues by bringing a perspective to the table I had not yet considered.
On this particular day we were discussing the tremendous difficulties our organization continues to face day-by-day as we struggle to do what needs to be done in the community we know we have been called to serve.
Vorb reminded me once again that he makes certain decisions in his life “because of dignity.” I can’t get that phrase out of my head.
Because of dignity, certain stories are mine to carry, but not mine to tell.
Dignity. Perhaps it matters more today than ever.
Has it been worth it?
I’ve kept this image as the lockscreen on my phone for many years now. I remember this morning so well, the tears, the pain, the “what ifs”, the agony of waiting for a day we weren’t even sure would ever come.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, has been easy about these 11 years of knowing and loving 13 children whose lives were marked by suffering and pain and loss long before they even knew there was a life other than the one they were living.
Many of the children have grown up and are on their own now, and every now and then I hear from one of them. Their lives have taken them in different directions. I often ask myself, “Was all of the time worth it? Was all of the pain worth it?”
On a morning like this, a simple text exchange reminds me that, yes, it was - and it still is.