I choose responsibility
It is hard to believe that Steeve Derard wrote this five years ago and Haiti is no closer to resolution today than it was then. And yet, we have seen our Father do "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think" in these difficult years (Ephesians 3:20).
Though it once again feels as if the country is standing on the edge of the precipice, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" (Hebrews 6:19).
How thankful I am for these years of knowing and loving Haiti. Haiti Awake remains committed to our communities, and I personally remain committed to the people I've been walking with for all of these years.
In his book, Visions of Vocation, Steven Garber asks: "Why is it, in the face of situations that seem too complex, too broken, that human beings sometimes still choose to enter in - knowing that they will suffer, knowing that it will cost them - that for love’s sake they still choose responsibility?"
On days when it all feels like it's too much, when I don't believe I can bear to hear one more story, when I just want to go back to living a normal American life, oblivious to the great suffering just miles off our shores, this quote plays on repeat in my head:
"You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you did not know." William Wilberforce
Today I still choose responsibility.
October 20, 2024 - our last photo together. We had every belief that we would be together again on November 15.
Because of dignity
I was recently having a discussion with Vorb in which he said some profound things. Vorb is a deep thinker, and he often challenges my thinking on issues by bringing a perspective to the table I had not yet considered.
On this particular day we were discussing the tremendous difficulties our organization continues to face day-by-day as we struggle to do what needs to be done in the community we know we have been called to serve.
Vorb reminded me once again that he makes certain decisions in his life “because of dignity.” I can’t get that phrase out of my head.
Because of dignity, certain stories are mine to carry, but not mine to tell.
Dignity. Perhaps it matters more today than ever.
Today is Hudson’s birthday
Depi tèt pa ko koupe, li espere met chapo.
Two years ago we were gathered together to celebrate Hudson’s 3oth birthday. Earlier in the day we had heard that there were problems in the street, which was unusual, given it was a Sunday.
Although we enjoyed our time together very much, the celebration was cut short, as everyone had to head home to Tabarre 14. And that was the beginning of a long, hard week, what was to be the hardest week to that point for Tabarre 14.
As I looked back through photos today, trying to find a few of Hudson to share in a Happy Birthday greeting on Facebook, I was reminded of all that has been lost in the last 6 years, how the early days of Haiti Awake now seem like the glory days of Haiti, how a city went from being a place to explore to being a prison that is holding its inhabitants captive.
Haitians often say, “Depi tèt pa ko koupe, li espere met chapo” which essentially means that as long there is life, there is hope.
And so today, as I celebrate Hudson across the miles, I will continue to hope for better days for Haiti and for those there whom I hold so dear.
Individual faces and stories
There are roughly 12 million people in Haiti, and many of them have significant needs.
Idleman writes, “There are so many people God loves out there. They have a lot of needs. You’re not responsible to meet all of them, but you are responsible for some. Every now and then, God’s answer to a need is you.”
Sometimes it’s good to remind myself that not every need is my responsibility. Some needs are. Many are not. As we’ve grown and better defined our ministry at Haiti Awake through the years, we’ve come to realize that the people and places that are our responsibility are easy to identify most of the time - if we’re quietly listening for the Spirit’s voice to point us in the right direction.
Hudson took some great photos last week of individuals - faces - to whom we have responsibility. Responsibility towards so many used to frighten me, overwhelm me. But now I can say with confidence that being responsible for people and places is a privilege, an honor. And knowing their individual stories feels like something sacred.
Thankfulness
As I prepare for church here in Haiti this morning, my heart is full of thankfulness to the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
His provision has carried us through many storms over the years. His goodness will be enough for tomorrow even as we face an uncertain future.
Glwa pou Bondye.
It’s not as easy as it looks
Recently my daughter-in-law, Hannah, snapped a few photos of me and Steeve as we were having coffee at Zola, a local coffee shop.
I love all the photos friends have taken of me and Steeve through the years - often when we had no idea a photo was being taken - because there are so many good memories associated with those photos.
However, despite all the smiles and the laughs and good times, I think it’s important to note:
Cross cultural ministry, cross cultural partnership . . .these are not as easy as it might sometimes look on social media.
Through the years Steeve and I have had to work hard to build trust and maintain our friendship which is the basis of our work relationship.
Particularly in the early years, there were a lot of tears from me and a lot of crossed arms and “the face” from Steeve.
I remember a few years ago during an exceptionally difficult time, I decided: “I’m going to believe the best about Steeve even when I am tempted to think the worst.” That was a huge turning point for me. I was making a conscious choice about where my thoughts would go in the midst of conflict.
I asked Steeve to tell me why he thinks we work together so well despite all of our differences. Here’s what he said:
Yes, sometimes we both cry, we feel frustrated or depressed, and we want to give up.
Sometimes we think we get it, but we really don’t. Sometimes we think that we understand each other very well, but later we realize we didn’t understand each other at all.
Sometimes we have good intentions, but that doesn’t change the fact that we feel deeply hurt.
You (Becky) are more open to express your feelings when you’re hurt, but I am more quiet and hurt inside.
Sometimes we hurt each other by one word (Creole or English) when words just don’t have the same meaning in our different cultures.
Sometimes we get mad to each other for weeks and sometimes all we need to reconcile is a coffee, and that is funny because one of the first fights we had after starting Haiti Awake was about coffee.
Sometimes we get upset because of coffee, but sometimes coffee help us reconcile. Now we have at Haiti Awake have a joke about “reconciliation coffee,” but no one really understands that joke but me and you.
Above all, without any doubt, we love each other and want to walk by each other’s side. And that’s why we keep walking together.
But it seems our friendship doesn’t make any sense when we try to explain it to others.
I agree. It’s hard to explains something to others that we ourselves don’t really understand, but we know that it’s true. We were meant to work together, we both love Haiti, and we are truly friends.