Good reminders and a beautiful sunrise

Walking the beach, listening to Craig Groeschel share the Word this morning.

A few gems:

• The providence of God is best viewed backwards.

• I want to remind you of the goodness of the God Who is able and Whose plan is always better.

• So if you're stuck in the in-between, stay faithful to God.

• While you are waiting, God is still working.

Groeschel referenced this passage of Scripture, a favorite of mine:

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

You can listen to the whole sermon by clicking on the link below... or listen wherever you listen to podcasts.

It’s a delicate balance

When I was first diagnosed with Granulosa Cell Tumor in 2019, I did a fair amount of research on the subject, but I did not seek out community with others with the same condition.

However, when I was diagnosed with a recurrence in February of 2023, I immediately began searching out a support system, wanting to gather all the information I could before moving forward in making crucial decisions. I found a group of women on Facebook who have been a great support system, a wealth of information.

On the one hand, I am so thankful to hear the stories of others, to read about their experiences, to understand how they came to the decisions they have about their own care.

On the other hand, some days it gets to be a little heavy, hearing how difficult things are for some of my GCT sisters, wondering if my life will be like that in the days ahead.

It’s in those moments, when my mind goes to the “what ifs” I know I need to step back, to stop reading, to give myself room to breathe and remember every person’s story is unique. Though each of us is living with GCT, we’re each on our own unique path.

There's a delicate balance between being informed and being discouraged.

A different level of care

From scheduling to reception to nursing staff to physicians, the patient care I have received at Duke is far beyond anything I’ve experienced anywhere else.

I had my first appointment with endocrinology yesterday, and I was reminded again of all of the reasons I am thankful I transferred my care to Duke. I am exceedingly grateful for good insurance that allows me options and choices.

Our health care system as a whole is broken, but I can say without reservation that kindness, compassion, and professionalism characterize standard of care at Duke and make the long drives to and from appointments worth every mile.

Because I decided in March I was going to share this journey…

Here we go. I’ve gone back and forth about whether I was going to share this, but I’m going to put it out there . . . even if it turns out to be nothing . . . because it’s part of the journey.

---

Back in February when my recurrence was diagnosed, a thyroid nodule was noted on the CT scan. In all that transpired after that before finally having surgery in May, that little "concern" was put on the back burner.

Recently I realized, "Hey! That was never addressed. And hey! You've got to watch out for yourself because no one else is doing that for you."

So . . . a few weeks ago, I saw my PCP. He looked at the scan and suggested I see an ENT for an ultrasound of my thyroid. I finally had that appointment today.

Though I have a number of nodules (which is common), there is one large one which is solid with substantial intranodular blood flow that is "concerning." Therefore, I will have a needle biopsy on September 26.

The ENT was incredibly kind, and he wanted to make sure "this won't push you over the edge." He reminded me not to be worried until we have cause to be worried. So that’s what I am going with.

There’s nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about.

Kijan sante w ye?

I have just returned from Haiti, and over and over I was asked this question, “Kijan sante w ye?” (“How is your health?”)

And each time I answered, “For today, I am well. I can not speak of tomorrow or next year, but, for today, I feel I am well. Although I was told the medication I take would cause many problems, for now, I do not have them, by God’s grace.”

Can any of us really ask for anything more than to know that, for today, all is well?

Functional Medicine

According to The Institute for Functional Medicine,

Functional medicine is a systems biology–based approach that focuses on identifying and addressing the root cause of disease. Each symptom or differential diagnosis may be one of many contributing to an individual’s illness.

For example:

One of the physicians who treated me this spring and affirmed my going on Letrozole also urged me to look into functional medicine to broaden my perspective on health and healing. Therefore, I have established care with a local practitioner.

Thus far, I have had one virtual appointment, one in-person appointment, blood draws that yielded 6 pages of results, and a recommendation to begin taking a number of supplements.

And honestly, at this point, I am not sure what my opinion is on it all.

My blood work was largely “unimpressive.” No one thing jumps out as being problematic. In fact, of the 84 results given, only 4 were outside of the reference interval -and only marginally so, at that.

The practitioner recommended adding some supplements to those I was already taking, so now my daily intake includes vitamins C, A, and a B complex, magnesium, melatonin, turmeric, and collagen with biotin, plus a-Drenal.

The bottom line is this. I do not expect my functional care practitioner to have the panacea, but at this point I feel like what she’s recommending can’t hurt, so I am willing to combine her recommendations with traditional treatment and a healthy lifestyle that includes physical activity and conscious eating.

Even when I don’t feel like it

Truth be told I’m not exactly enjoying my morning walks right now. I feel tired. I feel heavy. I don’t feel motivated to “do” anything.

But every morning I get up, I get out the door, and I go to the beach. No excuses.

Why?

Because I am sure there will come a day when I can’t do certain things, but that day is not today. There’s a big difference between “I don’t feel like doing that” and “I can’t do that.”

Yesterday I told a friend, “I am going to live until I die.” He laughed, but it’s true. I am not going to stop doing things until I absolutely can’t do them anymore, and that includes my morning walk.

So that’s my encouragement to you today. Get out there and do the thing that you can do, even though you might not actually feel like doing it.

You’ll be glad you did.

These views are worth it.

By God’s grace

I left Haiti on March 20, unsure of when I would be able to return. At that point, surgery followed by chemotherapy was scheduled for April.

After changing practitioners, I had surgery May 2, facing a whole range of possibilities and scenarios.

But, by God’s grace, on July 20, I returned to the place that has captured my heart like none other. And what a joyous reunion it has been.

I will cherish these precious, fleeting moments with those who have the deepest part of my heart.

GCT is part of my story, but it will not keep me from living my life.

So, what’s the latest?

First, I want to say I feel amazing, and if I didn’t have these scars on my abdomen, I wouldn’t know anything unusual had happened earlier this summer.

Truly there’s not much to tell, and there probably won’t be for a while. As I have said over and over, this is a marathon, not a 100 yard dash.

Back in March when I started writing this blog, I was facing laparoscopic surgery, then chemo, so I was anticipating a rough summer.

Obviously those plans changed drastically in April when I switched practitioners and went with open abdominal surgery and no chemo.

In May I went into surgery with the knowledge I could come out with an ostomy. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. I was also told to expect weeks of recovery from surgery. That was also not really the case as I felt like I was “up and running” by the 2nd week.

In June I had my post-op appointment where Dr. Rossi and I talked about the benefits and the drawbacks of going on Letrozole.

And now in July I’ve been dealing with some of the new normal that’s come with that, though, once again, reality has been so much better than the projected scenario. None of the side effects I’m experiencing on a daily basis are of any great consequence at this point (mild, sporatic neuropathy, insomnia, fatigue, mild joint pain). If I weren’t on a medication and I was experiencing these symptoms I would just think, “Well, this is what getting older feels like!”

I am in the process of establishing secondary healthcare with a functional medicine practitioner, and my next appointment with Dr. Rossi will be September 25. Though that is a few weeks later than she had requested, trying to line her schedule up with my schedule wasn’t easy.

Getting established with a functional medicine practitioner looks like this - extensive lab work. I gave all of these samples this morning.

So September 25 it is. And I was able to get an appointment at Dr. Rossi’s Raleigh office versus at Duke, so that’s something to be thankful for, as well, as it will save quite a bit of time.

I have enjoyed my summer of This Time, Not Next Time immensely, and I am so glad I decided to take the time to do my daily morning walks at Wrightsville Beach when I am home and not traveling.

Thanks for following along here, for sending texts, for forwarding words of encouragement.

The summer is not over yet, and there are still some fun things to do in the weeks ahead. I am especially looking forward to this weekend. More on that later!

So how did I end up jumping off a bridge in Oregon?

There’s really not much to tell. I had said this was The Summer of This Time, not Next Time, and on Sunday as Rick and I were driving back to Portland, we passed PS Ogden State Park where we’d stopped on the way into Redmond on Friday.

Rick noted that people were bungee jumping off of one of the bridges. We had already driven past when he asked, “Do you want to go bungee jump?” At first, I felt indecisive - not from fear of heights, but more of “What if I get up there and can’t make myself jump off?” We were still driving down the highway when I said, “Yes! Let’s do it!” so Rick did a u-turn, and we went back.

We had to wait for a few people to do their jumps in front of us, including one lady who has jumped many times and one girl who just couldn’t bring herself to jump so she gave the guys permission to push her off. That was comforting to me because I knew that if I couldn’t mentally get myself to jump, the guys working would “help” me.

But as you can see from the video, I had no issue whatsoever walking out, stepping on the X, and jumping after the 1 - 2 -3 countdown.

It was an amazing sensation, and something I would definitely like to do again.

After the fact, we found out this is the tallest commercial bungee jump in North America, so I am thinking we might need to start chasing down some bungee jumping on other continents. Just an idea . . .

One week with Letrozole

After much research, debate, and prayer, on June 30 I picked up a 90 day supply of Letrozole from the pharmacy, and I dove in, taking my first dose about 6 p.m. that evening.

By 8 p.m. I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer, and I slept through until about 4:30 the following morning.

Here’s how the rest of the week went:

• July 1, Day 2 - Woke up a little achy and feeling like I have jetlag, but after walking for an hour at the beach, I feel back to normal. Rick and I drove to Fort Caswell and biked for almost an hour later in the day. I felt tired this afternoon and napped.

• July 2, Day 3 - I woke up groggy and with minor pain on the bottoms of my feet. I would compare it to how my feet feel after a long run.

• July 3, Day 4 - Definitely think the meds make me drowsy. I need to take the pill no more than 30 minutes before I go to bed. Still experiencing pain in bottoms of my feet.

• July 4, Day 5. No noticeable side effects when I woke up. Slight neuropathy in feet at different times during the day.

• July 5, Day 6. No noticeable side effects when I woke up. However, Rick and I traveled from Wilmington to Portland, OR, today. A great deal of neuropathy in my feet as the day went on. No amount of walking or standing helped, though I walked laps in both ATL and SLC during layovers.

• July 6, Day 7. No noticeable side effects when I woke up. No side effects throughout the day.

• July 7, Day 8. No noticeable side effects when I woke up. However, after taking a morning hike, I came back and slept seven hours … until roughly 1:45 pm. I can't say for certain it was the Letrozole, but anyone who knows me knows this isn't normal.

I'll post another update after more time passes. However, if this is the extent of the side effects I’ll be experiencing, they are definitely manageable and worth the potential benefit for me.

Time will tell.

Medicine is considered a kindness from God. - Kayla Sanders

The gift of music

I have never known a worship leader who has as much passion and joy as Alex Tomlin, and I am so thankful for him. He doesn’t just sing with his mouth. He sings with his heart.

It doesn’t matter how I’m feeling when I come to The Bridge. It only takes a few minutes for my heart (and often my eyes) to be full as the church worships together.

My morning walks at Wrightsville Beach include quite a bit of Maverick City Music, and I was introduced to most of those songs because Alex put them on the list for The Bridge.

Alex probably doesn’t know it, but he’s been a significant part of this journey for me (both before surgery and during recovery), and I appreciate him and his wife, Ti, more than words can express.

A line in the sand

Today marks two months since surgery.

I was thinking on that this morning as I walked at the beach, and I decided, “Today is a line in the sand. Recovery from this recurrence is behind me, and I’ve made all the necessary decisions related to it. Now I am simply going to focus on the future.”

And, as if on cue, this song from Maverick City Music came up on my playlist:

You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always…

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in Your hands

What a perfect way to start a Sunday morning!

The summer of this time, not next time

Despite how much I love Tim McGraw, I have not been skydiving, Rocky Mountain climbing, or 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.

But so far Rick and I have done some really fun things on these summer weekends - trips to Kiawah Island, the Virginia Creeper Trail, and Long Island/Block Island.

I am going to affirm McGraw’s sentiment, however, when I echo: “Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.”

Saying yes to this time and not waiting until next time is really, really fun.

This season has its hard days, but it has its beautiful ones, as well.

Oh, and guess what? We’re planning to be off on another adventure this weekend! I can hardly wait!

The gift of mentors

I’ve mentioned this before. I love the Peas and Carrots Podcast and listen every Wednesday morning on my walk.

The hosts, Brian and Kayla Sanders, may not realize it, but they are mentoring me week-by-week. Their discussions have caused me to think deeply on a variety of matters through the years, and I appreciate their humble, thoughtful approach to different topics.

This morning as I continue to struggle through important health care choices, their podcast spoke directly to me. And for that, I am thankful.

The big takeaway:

Medication can be a kindness, a mercy from God.

When the choice is not clear

As I was parking at Wrightsville Beach this morning, I ran into someone I haven’t seen since surgery. She gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. I got emotional in the moment, and that really confused me.

It took me some time walking at the beach before I realized why I got teary-eyed. I am thinking constantly about whether or not I should go on Letrozole, and I think that’s causing me more anxiety than I realized.

Up until this point, the “next step” has been pretty clear. Surgery was a given. Switching my care to Duke wasn’t much of a choice. Deciding against chemo was easy after research.

But Letrozole is different. There is conflicting clinical evidence. There is conflicting anecdotal evidence among those who have used Letrozole.

There’s no easy choice here. No strikingly right answer.

I feel great right now. But we know I still have cancer in my body. Do I give up the health I currently have in order to perhaps have better quality of life in the future?

Letrozole has a multitude of harsh side effects for many people. But for some people it does not.

Letrozole could possibly keep me from developing more tumors for a substantial amount of time. Or it might not.

I am not currently at peace with going on Letrozole. But I also do not have to make that choice today. I will, however, have to make a choice soon.

So for those of you who’ve asked me in recent months how you can specifically pray, here it is:

Pray that I will make the choice that is best for me, and that once I make that choice, come what may, I will not second-guess the decision.

My June 5th Post-op Appointment

Good morning, Everyone! I want to start out by saying thank you to everyone who reached out yesterday to check in, knowing I had my post-op appointment.

The appointment went as well as could have been expected. I really appreciate the team at Duke. Dr. Rossi has a wonderful ability to tell me the things I need to hear in a way that I can accept her recommendations. I know she has taken into account my thoughts on the matter.

We discussed at length the reality that 1) this was not my first surgery for GCT, 2) I had multiple malignant areas in my abdomen on May 2, 3) malignancy is likely to recur in the future, and 4) management is limited due to the unpredictable nature of granulosa cell tumor.

There is no perfect solution.

However, given where I am right now, we have decided that combining the drug Letrozole with routine testing and monitoring would be the best option.

No, I do not want to be on a prescription medication long-term, but taking all factors into consideration, Letrozole would seem to be the wisest course, even with all of the potential side effects that could come with it.

I have been researching Letrozole for the last month, discussing pros and cons with other medical professionals as well as women like myself with recurrent GCT.

If Letrozole works, it could hold the cancer at bay for a substantial length of time. If it does not, we can move on to other options.

Further, Dr. Rossi and I discussed my plan to continue being active and choosing the best food and supplement options.

In preparation for starting Letrozole, I will have a DEXA scan (bone density test) on June 16 in Raleigh, just to be certain I am at a good baseline for starting this medication as it could reduce the strength in my bones.

Again, there is no easy answer, but I am thankful I have choices. I am thankful for modern medicine. I am thankful for good health insurance that allows me to pursue multiple options. I am thankful for a community that has surrounded me and keeps showing up in so many ways to encourage me.

And I am thankful to know true Hope.

The gift of unexpected friendship

My new friend, Jeffrey Ritter, shared the following on social media recently. I couldn’t have said it better myself. My life is richer because of people like him I have met on this journey.

So, in the hospital, I was diligently walking laps, but kept finding someone's marker on the lap-board creeping ahead each day. Damn, who was beating my butt?

Well, we met, compared surgical scars (think of the scene in Jaws) and, despite wearing backless surgical gowns, became instant forever friends. Both survivors that will not stop being alive!

There is such strength when we fight together!

The gift of my Haitian family

Recently the staff of Haiti Awake shared the following:

Sè Becky,

Your family from your second home, Haiti, want you to know how much we love you and pray for you. You are a gift to us from God.

Knowing you is a privilege. For the past eleven years, we have learned so much from you. Your love for Haiti, especially for Haiti Awake, is obvious.

Thank you for walking with us in every trial that we have known in Haiti, even in the midst of your own trials. Now we can walk with you.

You are in our hearts and prayers.

We love you very much.

Get healed soon!

Your family at Haiti Awake

I’ve Still Got Alot of Fight Left in Me

Initial diagnosis - May 2019

Recurrence diagnosed - February 2023

Debulking surgery - May 2, 2023

Today’s 6 mile run-walk on Kiawah Island - May 28, 2023

There is much to conquer in the days ahead, and I'm not done yet.

Like Rachel Platten sings, "‘Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me."