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The last two mornings at the beach have been exceptionally life-giving, and I want to hold them in my heart forever.

My wish for you

Is that you continue

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To be who and how you are

To astonish a mean world

With your acts of kindness

Continue

To allow humor to lighten the burden

Of your tender heart

Continue

In a society dark with cruelty

To let the people hear the grandeur

Of God in the peals of your laughter

Continue

To let your eloquence

Elevate the people to heights

They had only imagined

Continue

To remind the people that

Each is as good as the other

And that no one is beneath

Nor above you

Continue

To remember your own young years

And look with favor upon the lost

And the least and the lonely

Continue

To put the mantle of your protection

Around the bodies of

The young and defenseless

Continue

To take the hand of the despised

And diseased and walk proudly with them

In the high street

Some might see you and

Be encouraged to do likewise

Continue

To plant a public kiss of concern

On the cheek of the sick

And the aged and infirm

And count that as a

Natural action to be expected

Continue

To let gratitude be the pillow

Upon which you kneel to

Say your nightly prayer

And let faith be the bridge

You build to overcome evil

And welcome good

Continue

To ignore no vision

Which comes to enlarge your range

And increase your spirit

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To dare to love deeply

And risk everything

For the good thing

Continue

To float

Happily in the sea of infinite substance

Which set aside riches for you

Before you had a name

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And by doing so

You and your work

Will be able to continue

Eternally

- Maya Angelou

One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.

Frederick Buechner

All earthly things are the shadows of heavenly realities—the expression, in created, visible forms, of the invisible glory of God.

Andrew Murray

Supplements

I have been asked repeatedly about what supplements I am taking, so I decided to share the list here as a reference for the future.

Let me start out by saying I am not endorsing any of these supplements, nor do I necessarily believe any of them are necessary to my well-being. What I do know is that I am doing so much better than anticipated; therefore, I will continue taking these supplements for the foreseeable future because I do not want to change anything about this routine which seems to be working for me.

Further, I do believe nutrition from real food is better than any supplement, so I am careful about what I eat daily. I’ve eliminated meat from my diet, and I have minimized dairy, sugar, processed food, and gluten, though I have not entirely eliminated them.

Also, I believe exercise has a significant impact on the way I feel day-by-day, and so I am committed to daily cardio and weight-bearing exercises.

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These are the supplements I currently take in the morning:

1. B Complex Plus with Choline from Seeking Health

2. Vitamin A 7,5000 mcg from Klaire Labs

3. Vitamin D 1,000IU from Thorne

4. Vitamin C Version 3.3 from Vibrant Health

5. Multi Collagen Plus from Dr. Emil Nutrition

6. Turmeric Curcumin 1500 mg from Bio Schwartz

These are the supplements I currently take in the evening, along with my medication:

1. Melatonin-SR from Pure Encapsulations

2. Magnesium (glycinate) from Pure Encapsulations

3. Letrozole 2.5 mg

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Above and beyond all this, I truly believe Proverbs 17:22:

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

And ultimately, that’s the game plan - to keep trusting the Lord and finding joy on this journey day-by-day.

My heart is filled with thankfulness…

… and my legs were ready to run.

I haven’t registered for a 5K in forever. I’m not sure how long it’s been. 5 years? 7 years? More than that? Back in the day when I was running anywhere, everywhere, as often as I could, I stopped running 5Ks. Instead, I spent my race fees on longer distances.

But today it seemed appropriate to get back to the basics and cherish the fact that on this Thanksgiving, I am able to run. Despite all of the bad possibilities I was confronted with earlier this year, very few of them have come to pass. And more importantly, the things that have come to pass have not been more than I could deal with on any individual day.

So today, as so many are sharing, “I am grateful for __________________”, I would like to add:

I am thankful for my health which includes the ability to run a 5K on this Thanksgiving morning.

And, if I’m being honest, I’m thankful that I still have my hair. There. I said it. Yes, that feels so vain, but it’s true.

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Happy Thanksgiving, Friends!

How are you feeling, and what’s next?

These are the two questions I am asked on a regular basis recently. And here’s how I respond.

First, I’m feeling so much better than could have been anticipated given all that transpired this summer. I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel terrible, either. I’ve told several people most days feel like the day after running a marathon. If you’ve done distance running, you know what I mean.

The morning after a long run, you don’t feel great, but you also don’t lie in bed all day and complain. You just get up and do what you need to do, albeit a little more slowly and with some pain and stiffness (especially if you sit down for too long).

Second, unless something new comes up, I can breathe and relax until January. On January 8, I am scheduled for a CT scan (my first since February 2023) and blood work.

So, between now and then, my plan is to not borrow trouble from tomorrow and live each day as it comes, by God’s grace.

Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement!

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?

Luke 12:25-26

The Lord has dealt graciously with me

To say that I am happy and relieved to finally have this result on the thyroid biopsy is an understatement.

We’re still waiting

Many of you have been kind to check in over the last few days to see if I have heard back from my thyroid biopsy. I have not.

Even though the biopsy was over three weeks ago, due to the initial inconclusive results, we’re now waiting on Thyroseq molecular testing results, and according to my provider in endocrinology, “The typical turnaround for the molecular testing is 2-3 weeks, so we hope to hear something this week or next.”

Thanks for caring, and thanks for praying. I appreciate your kindness. I’m becoming as anxious to hear as some of you are. Meanwhile, I’m here enjoying walks on these crisp fall mornings, balancing activity with the fatigue that comes when I overdo it, and listening to this song on repeat.

Happy Tuesday!

September 25 at Duke

As many of you are aware, I went to Duke September 25 for three appointments.

I’m going to start out by reiterating what I’ve said before. The standard of care at Duke is phenomenal. If I have to be a patient, I am thankful to be a patient at Duke.

8 a.m. Labs

• Inhibin A

• Inhibin B

• AMH

I was seen on time, had a pleasant conversation with the woman drawing my blood, and was out the door in less than 10 minutes.

9 a.m. Dr. Rossi and Dr. Patel

This was a routine appointment since I don’t have any major complaints and labs were done for the first time post-op just an hour before.

We talked about the need for routine monitoring, and we agreed on doing a CT scan for January. It’s likely I’ll have CT scans every 3-6 months and blood work every 3 months for the foreseeable future.

On my way to Duke for the first time back in April, I had my first Detox Island Green smoothie from Tropical Smoothie. I drank quite a few of those same smoothies while in the hospital after surgery, and because there’s a Tropical Smoothie in the Duke Cancer Center, I now feel like this smoothie is just a needful part of the whole routine.

1 p.m. - Thyroid Biopsy

So, no one warned me. A thyroid biopsy is no joke.

I’m not kidding. The biopsy was more painful than anticipated, though in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t even compare with some of the things I’ve already done. Part of the issue was the Lidocaine did not work the way it was supposed to, plus they needed to go in three times - the 3rd time with larger needle. And I felt pain every single time they punctured the thyroid.

After they’d gone in the 2nd time and decided they need to go in a 3rd time, I had to ask for a short break to gather myself because I really thought I might pass out. Thankfully, I did not, and on the 3rd attempt they got an adequate sample.

Results

I waited to share this post until I had all results back.

• Inhibin A - lowest number we’ve seen since I was first tested in 2019

• Inhibin B - lowest number we've seen since I was first tested in 2019

• AMH - - lowest number we've seen since I was first tested

• Thyroid Biopsy - indeterminate. Being sent for further testing.

90 days with Letrozole

When I made the decision to begin taking Letrozole, both my physician and a number of women who are on the medication told me to expect:

• Neuropathy in my hands and feet

• Muscle or joint pain

• Hot flashes

• Night sweats

• Edema

• Dizziness

• Weight gain

• Loss of appetite

• Digestive issues

• Hair loss

• Insomnia

• Fatigue

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Thus far, my experience with Letrozole, however, has been fairly easy, and given the potential for positive results, I am thankful that this is the treatment option Dr. Rossi and I agreed upon together. Of course, we won’t know about bone density loss for some time, but I am under the care of an endocrinologist who plans to monitor my bone density yearly, and for that I am thankful.

If I had to rank these side effects in order of how they have affected me, it would look like this:

1. Fatigue and insomnia. I have learned to take my medication no more than 30 minutes before I want to go to sleep because it definitely puts me to sleep. However, I often find myself waking up between 1 and 2 a.m., and it’s generally difficult to get back to sleep. This is probably why I often feel tired during the day, and I frequently take an early afternoon nap.

2. Neuropathy in my hands, feet and legs. I have experienced muscle and joint pain, as well, though not so much as to keep me from exercising. In fact, exercising has been my coping mechanism when it has been bad. Some days are worse than others, and mornings are generally worse than other times of the day. But it’s all bearable.

3. I’ve had my fair share of hot flashes and night sweats, but they’re more annoying than anything else. And, of course, I’d be having those anyway, even if I weren’t taking Letrozole.

4. Edema has been the latest annoying side effect. It’s becoming uncomfortable to wear my wedding band some days. But on other days, I don’t feel like I am swelling at all. I can not identify a pattern or causation. The edema I have experienced seems to be random.

5. I have not gained weight. In fact, I’ve been steadily losing weight. I think this is because of the diet I am choosing to eat (think rabbit food) and the fact that many days my appetite is less than it used to be.

6. Dizziness. I have low blood pressure, so I can’t say if this is any worse than it’s been before.

7. Digestive issues. I have not had many digestive issues, but I attribute that to my diet more than anything else. I have become a big fan of a cold pressed ginger juice with cayenne pepper, and exercise surely helps, as well.

8. Hair loss. I’m definitely experiencing this, though so far I think I am the only one who has noticed it. Again, this was to be expected after surgery, so I can not attribute it directly to Letrozole.

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I share this information in hopes of helping someone else who is debating whether or not to go on Letrozole. As I have said before, each woman’s experience with GCT is different. This might not be the right option for someone else, but, for now, I believe Letrozole is the right option for me.

A slight change in plans

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For those of you who have inquired and are praying, here’s an update.

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I was able to get my thyroid biopsy moved to Duke on Monday, September 25, the same day I will have my first post-op labs and my 2nd post-op appointment.

Labs are at 8 a.m. I’ll see Dr. Rossi at 9 a.m. And then I will have the thyroid biopsy at 1 p.m.

That’s a quite a bit for a single day, but it definitely beats driving back and forth to Durham a second time, and it also assures all of my care will be at Duke and nothing can be lost between practitioners.

Thank you for caring and praying!

Good reminders and a beautiful sunrise

Walking the beach, listening to Craig Groeschel share the Word this morning.

A few gems:

• The providence of God is best viewed backwards.

• I want to remind you of the goodness of the God Who is able and Whose plan is always better.

• So if you're stuck in the in-between, stay faithful to God.

• While you are waiting, God is still working.

Groeschel referenced this passage of Scripture, a favorite of mine:

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

You can listen to the whole sermon by clicking on the link below... or listen wherever you listen to podcasts.

It’s a delicate balance

When I was first diagnosed with Granulosa Cell Tumor in 2019, I did a fair amount of research on the subject, but I did not seek out community with others with the same condition.

However, when I was diagnosed with a recurrence in February of 2023, I immediately began searching out a support system, wanting to gather all the information I could before moving forward in making crucial decisions. I found a group of women on Facebook who have been a great support system, a wealth of information.

On the one hand, I am so thankful to hear the stories of others, to read about their experiences, to understand how they came to the decisions they have about their own care.

On the other hand, some days it gets to be a little heavy, hearing how difficult things are for some of my GCT sisters, wondering if my life will be like that in the days ahead.

It’s in those moments, when my mind goes to the “what ifs” I know I need to step back, to stop reading, to give myself room to breathe and remember every person’s story is unique. Though each of us is living with GCT, we’re each on our own unique path.

There's a delicate balance between being informed and being discouraged.

A different level of care

From scheduling to reception to nursing staff to physicians, the patient care I have received at Duke is far beyond anything I’ve experienced anywhere else.

I had my first appointment with endocrinology yesterday, and I was reminded again of all of the reasons I am thankful I transferred my care to Duke. I am exceedingly grateful for good insurance that allows me options and choices.

Our health care system as a whole is broken, but I can say without reservation that kindness, compassion, and professionalism characterize standard of care at Duke and make the long drives to and from appointments worth every mile.

Because I decided in March I was going to share this journey…

Here we go. I’ve gone back and forth about whether I was going to share this, but I’m going to put it out there . . . even if it turns out to be nothing . . . because it’s part of the journey.

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Back in February when my recurrence was diagnosed, a thyroid nodule was noted on the CT scan. In all that transpired after that before finally having surgery in May, that little "concern" was put on the back burner.

Recently I realized, "Hey! That was never addressed. And hey! You've got to watch out for yourself because no one else is doing that for you."

So . . . a few weeks ago, I saw my PCP. He looked at the scan and suggested I see an ENT for an ultrasound of my thyroid. I finally had that appointment today.

Though I have a number of nodules (which is common), there is one large one which is solid with substantial intranodular blood flow that is "concerning." Therefore, I will have a needle biopsy on September 26.

The ENT was incredibly kind, and he wanted to make sure "this won't push you over the edge." He reminded me not to be worried until we have cause to be worried. So that’s what I am going with.

There’s nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about.

Kijan sante w ye?

I have just returned from Haiti, and over and over I was asked this question, “Kijan sante w ye?” (“How is your health?”)

And each time I answered, “For today, I am well. I can not speak of tomorrow or next year, but, for today, I feel I am well. Although I was told the medication I take would cause many problems, for now, I do not have them, by God’s grace.”

Can any of us really ask for anything more than to know that, for today, all is well?

Functional Medicine

According to The Institute for Functional Medicine,

Functional medicine is a systems biology–based approach that focuses on identifying and addressing the root cause of disease. Each symptom or differential diagnosis may be one of many contributing to an individual’s illness.

For example:

One of the physicians who treated me this spring and affirmed my going on Letrozole also urged me to look into functional medicine to broaden my perspective on health and healing. Therefore, I have established care with a local practitioner.

Thus far, I have had one virtual appointment, one in-person appointment, blood draws that yielded 6 pages of results, and a recommendation to begin taking a number of supplements.

And honestly, at this point, I am not sure what my opinion is on it all.

My blood work was largely “unimpressive.” No one thing jumps out as being problematic. In fact, of the 84 results given, only 4 were outside of the reference interval -and only marginally so, at that.

The practitioner recommended adding some supplements to those I was already taking, so now my daily intake includes vitamins C, A, and a B complex, magnesium, melatonin, turmeric, and collagen with biotin, plus a-Drenal.

The bottom line is this. I do not expect my functional care practitioner to have the panacea, but at this point I feel like what she’s recommending can’t hurt, so I am willing to combine her recommendations with traditional treatment and a healthy lifestyle that includes physical activity and conscious eating.

The Fueled by Faith Podcast

I recently had the opportunity to talk to my friend, Emily, on her podcast - Fueled by Faith. Though the conversation was not what we had planned, we believe it is exactly what God intended for us both on a morning when we were both clinging to the promise of Psalm 73:26:

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.

Even when I don’t feel like it

Truth be told I’m not exactly enjoying my morning walks right now. I feel tired. I feel heavy. I don’t feel motivated to “do” anything.

But every morning I get up, I get out the door, and I go to the beach. No excuses.

Why?

Because I am sure there will come a day when I can’t do certain things, but that day is not today. There’s a big difference between “I don’t feel like doing that” and “I can’t do that.”

Yesterday I told a friend, “I am going to live until I die.” He laughed, but it’s true. I am not going to stop doing things until I absolutely can’t do them anymore, and that includes my morning walk.

So that’s my encouragement to you today. Get out there and do the thing that you can do, even though you might not actually feel like doing it.

You’ll be glad you did.

These views are worth it.

By God’s grace

I left Haiti on March 20, unsure of when I would be able to return. At that point, surgery followed by chemotherapy was scheduled for April.

After changing practitioners, I had surgery May 2, facing a whole range of possibilities and scenarios.

But, by God’s grace, on July 20, I returned to the place that has captured my heart like none other. And what a joyous reunion it has been.

I will cherish these precious, fleeting moments with those who have the deepest part of my heart.

GCT is part of my story, but it will not keep me from living my life.

So, what’s the latest?

First, I want to say I feel amazing, and if I didn’t have these scars on my abdomen, I wouldn’t know anything unusual had happened earlier this summer.

Truly there’s not much to tell, and there probably won’t be for a while. As I have said over and over, this is a marathon, not a 100 yard dash.

Back in March when I started writing this blog, I was facing laparoscopic surgery, then chemo, so I was anticipating a rough summer.

Obviously those plans changed drastically in April when I switched practitioners and went with open abdominal surgery and no chemo.

In May I went into surgery with the knowledge I could come out with an ostomy. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. I was also told to expect weeks of recovery from surgery. That was also not really the case as I felt like I was “up and running” by the 2nd week.

In June I had my post-op appointment where Dr. Rossi and I talked about the benefits and the drawbacks of going on Letrozole.

And now in July I’ve been dealing with some of the new normal that’s come with that, though, once again, reality has been so much better than the projected scenario. None of the side effects I’m experiencing on a daily basis are of any great consequence at this point (mild, sporatic neuropathy, insomnia, fatigue, mild joint pain). If I weren’t on a medication and I was experiencing these symptoms I would just think, “Well, this is what getting older feels like!”

I am in the process of establishing secondary healthcare with a functional medicine practitioner, and my next appointment with Dr. Rossi will be September 25. Though that is a few weeks later than she had requested, trying to line her schedule up with my schedule wasn’t easy.

Getting established with a functional medicine practitioner looks like this - extensive lab work. I gave all of these samples this morning.

So September 25 it is. And I was able to get an appointment at Dr. Rossi’s Raleigh office versus at Duke, so that’s something to be thankful for, as well, as it will save quite a bit of time.

I have enjoyed my summer of This Time, Not Next Time immensely, and I am so glad I decided to take the time to do my daily morning walks at Wrightsville Beach when I am home and not traveling.

Thanks for following along here, for sending texts, for forwarding words of encouragement.

The summer is not over yet, and there are still some fun things to do in the weeks ahead. I am especially looking forward to this weekend. More on that later!

So how did I end up jumping off a bridge in Oregon?

There’s really not much to tell. I had said this was The Summer of This Time, not Next Time, and on Sunday as Rick and I were driving back to Portland, we passed PS Ogden State Park where we’d stopped on the way into Redmond on Friday.

Rick noted that people were bungee jumping off of one of the bridges. We had already driven past when he asked, “Do you want to go bungee jump?” At first, I felt indecisive - not from fear of heights, but more of “What if I get up there and can’t make myself jump off?” We were still driving down the highway when I said, “Yes! Let’s do it!” so Rick did a u-turn, and we went back.

We had to wait for a few people to do their jumps in front of us, including one lady who has jumped many times and one girl who just couldn’t bring herself to jump so she gave the guys permission to push her off. That was comforting to me because I knew that if I couldn’t mentally get myself to jump, the guys working would “help” me.

But as you can see from the video, I had no issue whatsoever walking out, stepping on the X, and jumping after the 1 - 2 -3 countdown.

It was an amazing sensation, and something I would definitely like to do again.

After the fact, we found out this is the tallest commercial bungee jump in North America, so I am thinking we might need to start chasing down some bungee jumping on other continents. Just an idea . . .